I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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