Moan for me like Helen Keller
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
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