The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
