Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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