Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
