Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
