mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
