We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
