oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
He told me they were just razor bumps!
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
