So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
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