I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
We're too hungover to prance.
How does it feel to date your dad?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
