Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
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you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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