Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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