I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
