I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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