I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
