I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
