Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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