my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
