I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
