It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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