O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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