Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
