The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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