I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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