this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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