i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
