My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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