if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
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