I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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