my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
