He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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