Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
