Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
