If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
