It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
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Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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