i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
