She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
