bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
