No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
You took a bar mat shot.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
