I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
