Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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