do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
