do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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