you guys were way drunker than both of me
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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