I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
two words: eviction party
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
