I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
