I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I think I died a long time ago.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
