I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
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Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
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I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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