Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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