I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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