she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
