so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
