I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
