I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I queefed so loud it echoed.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
