First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I enjoy the company of your penis
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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