And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
