I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
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We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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