I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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