I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
So much Jack, so little girl.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
