is your mom at the bar?
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I love having hate sex.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Randomize
