do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
