Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
