I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Randomize
