The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time i carry you out of a forest
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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