you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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