Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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