brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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